Valentines Day is The Time for Sex

Posted by Aimee M on

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Blow jobs and Cunnilingus oh My!

Even if you feel you give damn good fellatio already, you may find something in this article that may further blow your man’s mind. If you are a novice, read the article and choose two or three suggestions you would like to try. Not everything here will appeal to you or your lover. But everyone’s sexuality changes and evolves with time, so there is room for growth and learning in your encounters even with a longtime partner.

Show enthusiasm. The best fellatio involves a giver who is totally into it, aroused, even a little worshipful. You may find it extremely erotic to pleasure your partner in this way. You may enjoy the stimulation to your lips, tongue, mouth, and hands as you perform a blowjob. Perhaps you get off on the feeling of power you have over your lover as you control his pleasure, or you may get a sexual charge out of feeling dominated by your lover as you serve him. Maybe you enjoy the sense of giving involved in this extremely intimate act. Whatever your scene, you absolutely, positively must be into giving this man a blowjob, otherwise no one will enjoy it.

Set the scene. Although a quickie blowjob in an elevator certainly should have its place in your sexual repertoire, most men will enjoy a blowjob to the fullest in a more relaxed setting. The best oral sex begins long before you take off his clothes. Wear something you know he finds sexy on you. Help him to relax and loosen up, perhaps with a bath or a glass of wine together. Keep the lighting soft, light a few candles. Choose music that is not distracting, but rather blends quietly into the background. Turn the TV off …unless you want to add porn to the mix. If you do, you may find “compilation videos” or hard-core segments less distracting than porn laden with plot and dialogue.

Lay him on his back on a large bed with clean, crisp sheets. Slowly undress him. By taking your time, you build his anticipation and arousal to a tantalizing level. Make sure he has no distractions whatsoever. Turn off the phones, lock the door. Make sure everything you need is within easy reach: condoms, lube, sex toys, something to drink, something refreshing to eat (perhaps a bowl of fresh strawberries, chilled grapes, or orange slices). Let him focus entirely on his pleasure. If he touches you, it should be for his own enjoyment and not to pleasure you. Make it clear that he is in for a real treat.

Explore his whole body. Start slowly. Touch, lick, and kiss your partner, not just the areas that turn him on but the ones that turn you on as well: the nape of his neck, his earlobes, his chest, his nipples, his round buttocks, feet and sensitive toes, thighs. Be vocal about the areas you adore, either by moaning with pleasure or simply telling him how hot you find his hard biceps, for instance. Talk dirty to him if you enjoy doing so. The idea is to let him know how much you relish contact with him. Keep exploring as you gradually work your way to his genitals. Try licking and sucking his fingers so he gets a preview of what is in store for his cock. Take your time and savor his entire body.

Use your whole body. The best blowjobs involve much more than just your mouth, and focus on much more than just his penis. Use everything available to you to pleasure him. (Also, by using your whole body you show your own arousal and enthusiasm.) Use your mouth, lips, tongue, face, hair, hands, fingers and nails, chest, whatever occurs to you. Rub your genitals against his cock, his leg, or his hand in order to increase your own arousal during the blowjob. Let your body move naturally along with the movement of your mouth and hands. Allow it to be a sensual dance. He’s likely to enjoy the show.

Be Creative. There is no script. So allow yourself to be swept away by the moment and do what feels good to you and your partner. Explore different ways of pleasuring your partner. Every man is different, and every encounter is different: the same man might love a gentle touch one night, but want more aggressive play another night. Don’t be afraid to try new things. But always pay close attention to the response of your lover. If you try something new and he squirms and moans with pleasure, keep at it. If not, move on to something else.

Do you have a lover who tends to be quiet and still? How can you tell if he likes what you’re doing? Notice his testicles. When he is aroused, his testicles will rise within the scrotum, so rather than two balls hanging in a loose sac, the balls will be high against the base of the penis and the scrotum stretched tightly across them. Also, his cock will be very stiff and the head will swell even further and become rock hard. Pay attention to these signs that you are pleasing him.

Try different moods. Be playful, intense, slow and sensual, or fast and frantic—or all these things in turns during a great blowjob. Relax and follow your instincts, and take your cues from your partner.

The crescendo. By now probably you both have worked up a head of serious sexual steam. You have two choices: You can continue to build the tempo and action until he cums. Or, you can bring him down a bit, then begin to build again. Although your lover may object at first to his runaway freight train of sexual energy being slowed down, in the end he will thank you for prolonging his delight.

If you feel he is approaching climax (i.e., he’s writhing on the bed, clutching the sheets, moaning like crazy, proposing marriage -- a sure sign you’re doing it right), then you might want to slow the action until he backs away from the imminent orgasm. Then slowly begin to build again. Many great dance and musical performances make use of this strategy, slowly building to near crescendo then backing off and starting slowly and quietly again. Try making use of it in your great performance in bed. Near-orgasm is a wonderful place to be! Try to keep him in that state for as long as possible, without frustrating him.

Some men cannot tolerate slowing down once they are near orgasm. However, often a more patient, experienced lover will adore this sort of dance. The process of building to near-orgasm, then having the action slow, with you whispering “not yet” into his ear in a husky voice as you slowly build the tempo again, may drive him wild. Be especially aware of your partner’s responses during this process. Sometimes a man is past the point-of-no-return, and you must help him come if he seems unable to slow down. Also, even the most patient of lovers will eventually want to enjoy the grand finale. So try to pick up on signs that he is ready to cum.

The moment of truth. Assume the position. Any position that allows you to reach his cock with your mouth is game. But when you’re ready for the finale, if you’re not already in the ultimate position of sexual worship, kneel between his legs. When you sense he is ready to cum, quicken the pace. You should be pumping fast and furiously with your mouth, or your hand if you can’t move fast enough with your mouth. Timing is everything; at this point, DO NOT slow the pace no matter how sore or tired your mouth or hands become. Keep the rhythm going and don’t stop. Make sure you pace yourself during the blowjob so that you can finish with a sprint. Virtually all men enjoy rapid-fire pumping at the end, but some men like it light and others like a firmer hand. Experiment with pressure and speed.

Don’t forget his balls! Many men find testicular stimulation critical as they near orgasm. Some even enjoy having their scrotum tugged hard as they approach climax. Others are driven over the edge by anal, rectal, and/or prostate stimulation. You’ve spent a lot of time learning what he likes, now is the time to give it ALL to him at once!

As he nears orgasm, you will notice changes. His breathing may become quick and shallow, the sounds he has been making may change abruptly, he may arch his back and tense his muscles; he may throw his head back and clutch at you or the sheets. His balls rise so much they become difficult to move with your hand, his shaft will be rock hard, and the head of his cock will become so huge and engorged it feels as if it will burst. Do not stop pumping, and do not slow down! Keep pumping as long as he will let you. For many men the orgasm will be more intense and prolonged if you continue to stimulate them throughout the climax. At some point following orgasm, his cock may become so acutely sensitive that he will only enjoy the gentlest touch, if any. Pay attention to this sudden change.

Swallowing. Most men enjoy it when you swallow their cum. Men who have strong feelings for their lovers in particular may report feelings of intimacy and acceptance when their lovers swallow. One man deeply in love admitted to feeling a “soul injection” when his partner swallows. Although many partners are happy to oblige, some people find it difficult to do. Remember that it is a very small volume of liquid, about a teaspoon or so. The taste of semen is fairly mild, but can vary tremendously from man to man, and even for the same man at different times. If you have difficulty swallowing, you may try holding your breath and swallowing quickly. Some people find deep throating at the moment of ejaculation helpful, as he shoots his load so deep in your mouth that it bypasses the taste buds. If you absolutely cannot bring yourself to swallow under any circumstances, you can try to discreetly spit the semen into a tissue or towel. Or better yet, pull his cock out of your mouth at the last moment and have him ejaculate on your face or body, then make a little erotic show out of spreading his cum onto your body with your hands. Of course, if you are using a condom and you keep it on while he comes, you don’t have to worry about any of this!

Afterward, some men enjoy it if you “milk” their cock by squeezing at the base and then sliding your hand up the shaft toward the head, getting out every last drop of cum and lapping it up. Other men are so sensitive after coming that they cannot stand to be touched. Most enjoy at least having their balls cupped by your hand.

Onto Cunnilingus

First: Put Her At Ease

A lot of women simply don’t feel comfortable receiving oral sex. For some women, this is due to insecurities about their scent or taste, or their internalized beliefs that their genitals are “ugly”. Some worry that their partners are finding the experience unpleasant. Others dislike being the center of attention, or find themselves unable to relax when receiving. Women are socialized to be hypercritical of their bodies, so having your eyes, nose, and mouth right in the middle of one of the most sensitive parts of the female body is going to evoke at least a little resistance.

You’re not going to be able to completely change her relationship with her body in one fell tongue-swoop, but you can make a special effort to help her feel more at ease. Kerner says part of doing so involves changing your own perceptions of oral sex. One of the biggest misconceptions about cunnilingus is that “‘outercourse’ is less satisfying than ‘intercourse’.” For many women, oral sex is the most physically pleasurable sexual act. It’s not “foreplay” in the sense that you spend a few minutes on it, then move on to the “main course.” When you offer to go down on her, make it clear that you’re taking this activity seriously, and are excited to do it.

Kerner has a chapter called “The Cunnlingus Manifesto,” which includes three important guidelines for helping you and your partner enjoy the experience even more:

Going down on her turns you on; you enjoy it as much as she does.

There’s no rush; she has all the time in the world. You want to savor every moment.

Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful. It all emanates from the same, beautiful essence.

If you can convey each of these beliefs to her in a sincere way, you’re miles ahead of most people!

Get Comfortable and Warm Her Up: You’re In for the Long Haul

Taking your time is another great way to help her feel more relaxed and excited about what you have in store for her. The clitoris is extremely sensitive, so you don’t want to dive in right away. Kerner recommends spending plenty of time “kissing, hugging, touching, and sharing fantasies,” and making sure she’s aroused before starting to make your way between her legs. Once you’re down there, continue taking your time. Kerner says to “start with light vertical licks from bottom to top.”

Even then, women take 20 minutes on average to reach orgasm, so it’s important that you settle in for the journey, too:

Make sure your body is supported and that you’re stretched out and recumbent. You want your gums and tongue more at a 45 degree angle than 90 degrees, which is more comfortable. Let her do some of the work by pressing her body into your gum line. Her legs should be close enough together that you can lean to the right or left and rest your head comfortably against her leg while never missing a lick.

If you’re not a fan of laying on your stomach, you can try kneeling at the foot of the bed between her legs. Whatever you do, just make sure you’re prepared to take your time.

Hone in on a Routine, but Err on the Side of Caution

Kerner’s clients have some hilarious descriptions of the oral sex their partners performed. One woman complained that her partner treated cunnilingus like “the running of the bulls in Spain—a mad stampede for the clit.” Another said it felt like a “cobra defending itself from a mongoose.” Continuing the colorful metaphor trend, Kerner says, “Think of your tongue like the fluttering of gentle butterfly wings or like a thick wet magic marker carefully drawing a still-life.” Translation: it’s better to be gentle and methodical than too rough or overly acrobatic.

That means you have to find a method that works and stick with it. One of the things I like best about She Comes First is that Kerner goes through detailed routines of strokes and techniques, in specific order. There’s no fluff like, “just keep licking!” Everything is laid out for you. I asked Kerner for a basic routine to start with, and he gladly obliged:

Spread her labia and focus on licking the area of the front commissure, just above the glans (the clitoris). Use the index finger of your free hand to occasionally intersperse horizontal finger strokes across the glans with vertical tongue strokes.

As her arousal is increasing, you can insert a single finger, or possibly two. Use your tongue at first to enhance arousal and then a finger to complement and push arousal to the next stage. Don’t try to “fuck” her vagina with either tongue or fingers. Press your fingers upwards into her G-spot, while applying persistent licks.

With your free hand, you can touch her breasts, gently squeeze her nipples, caress her stomach or place under a butt cheek for support.

This is a straightforward technique that can serve as a great place to start, but keep in mind that every woman likes different things when it comes to cunnilingus. Some women like oral and manual stimulation at the same time, while others don’t. Some orgasm best from tongue circles around the clitoris, others prefer a light sucking motion. Kerner recommends watching and listening to her reactions to find what works best, but there’s another old standby that works just as well (if not better): ask your partner! If they know what they like, they’ll probably gladly tell you.

Pay Special Attention to the Commissure

Kerner’s approach to cunnilingus is unique in focusing on the commissure, which is the area right above the clitoris and clitoral hood. It’s a smooth area of skin that tends to get ignored, due to its proximity to the obviously more infamous clitoris. In his chapters on female anatomy, Kerner talks about the fact that pressure on the commissure can stimulate some of the internal fibers of the clitoris. Here’s one of Kerner’s specific technique for the pleasuring the commissure:

Make your mouth into an Elvis Presley snarl and press your gum into her front commissure. Make a seal between your gum and her front commissure. You want to be a bit high above the glans, at a 45 degree angle to her vaginal entrance. Continue to apply persistent licks.

If you’re having a hard time visualizing this, think about what your lips look like when you’re taking a bite out of an apple (minus the teeth of course!).

Prepare for Orgasm

As she starts nearing orgasm, Kerner advises pulling her legs closer together to increase the stimulation. But there’s one thing, above all else, that you should remember as she gets close to orgasm: do not change what you’re doing in terms of routine and pacing. Do not let yourself get sped up by her rising intensity. Keep being deliberate and methodical. Consistency is key for most women, so once you’ve found something that works, stick to it and do not stray from the path! If you do, you may have a very frustrated woman on your hands.

Let us know in the comments if any of these tips worked for you. Also to find some great Sex Toys just cum to our site. 

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